Nice Girl = Game Over! Or does it?

As the old adage goes, “Nice guys finish last!” It is not fair to apply that solely to the guys, as I know some wonderful girls that fall into this old cliché.

I am a nice girl! There. It is out there in black & white for all of the interwebs to read. Almost feels as if it should be a dark, dirty secret of mine. Who wants a nice girl?

The last guy I was seeing, our dating came to a crashing end when he confronted me about my tendencies to be a caring, compassionate person that bends over backwards to help others.  In his mind, this made me weak. In my mind, this made me scream NEXT! Yes, I might be a nice girl, but nice does NOT mean stupid. Also, I am not about to change who I am at the core for anyone. Let alone someone that thinks my kindheartedness and willingness to help others is a flaw. I am not a sucker. I will not fork over handfuls of change to a street person, but I will buy them a cup of soup and a sandwich. If a friend or family member is in a jam, I will do anything I can reasonably do to help them. These things come naturally to me and were instilled in me at a young age. I have had people snark on me for it, referring to me as “PollyAnna” for choosing to see good over bad. It is who I am and I am not about to make apologies for it.

Sometimes my niceness does get me down. Men (in Calgary especially) seem to be so busy chasing the Barbie doll type girls, ignoring those that are much more beautiful inside in favour of those close to physical perfection. True beauty is found inward and radiates outwards.  Sooner or later that DOES catch up. I have to remind myself that those men that are searching for arm candy or a trophy wife, are not the kind of men I want to be with and not to let it get me down.

This past week I was blessed with a real life lesson and affirmation in my beliefs on all of this.

My baby brother was home for a visit & brought his girlfriend home for the first time.  Through Facebook & texting, I have had the chance to get to know his girlfriend a little and she seemed quite nice. However, my brother is very metro and has a habit of attracting the Barbie types. That has been stuck at the back of my mind throughout our communications.

Much to my surprise (& pleasure) my brother brought home this amazing NICE girl!  She was who she was. Comfortable with her hair in a pony tail, little makeup and a hoodie. Low maintenance. Kind, considerate, loving kind of person.

(This is where I half hope she never reads this, but if she does, I pray she knows that it comes from the right place and that I love her dearly…)

At first glance, I would dare say she looked somewhat plain. She immediately won me over with her big smile, enormous hug and encouraging words.  She is one of those rare types that oozes happiness and internal beauty. Throughout the week, as I got to know her, it quickly became clear how much of an understated beauty she really is. If she were so inclined, she could turn a lot of heads. But she is comfortable in her own skin and does not feel the need to focus on those superficial things.

Makes me sit back and wonder how many truly beautiful people we all pass over, simply because we are not immediately smacked in the face with an outward beauty. We all know at the heart of us, that in the end, that often goes away. Why do so many put the focus there?

I was fortunate to see that sometimes the nice girls DO finish first (my brother is one hell of a catch & many have tried!) This gives me hope. Still have to wait my turn. I am determined to finish first!

And you? What do think about all of this?

(ETA: My brother fully admits to being happier than ever. I would not be surprised to hear of an engagement in the near future. Score 1 for the nice girls!)

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#QOTD – What gross behaviour have you encountered on a date?

Firstly, thank you (I think! :P) to @Smudged  for today’s question of the day.

Drum roll please…

What is the most disgusting/disturbing thing a person has done on a date with you? (ie: pick their nose, socks w/sandals, etc.)

And to satisfy my own curiosity, was this faux pas bad enough to keep you from going out with them again?

Happy Monday! Make this a fantastic week. 🙂

#QOTD – Are you lonely when you are not in a relationship?

Simple question, but not necessarily a simple answer.

Based on my observations over the years is that those that tend to quickly become miserable & complain often within a relationship, are those that got into one in the first place to combat loneliness.  If I am honest about this issue, I have fallen into this trap once or twice before myself.

When you are single, do you tend to be lonely? Is this your drive to find someone to be with? Are you a complete person without having a romantic partner in your life, or do you need someone else to make you whole?

If you are not lonely when you are single, what do you do to ensure that you are not?

There are definitely things that I miss when I do not have a romantic partner in my life.  Some things are intimate in nature and no matter how hard I try, that sense of belonging in a relationship just cannot be replaced. Beyond that, my life is quite complete.  I surround myself with some amazing and wonderful people – both family and friends. I have made a real effort in 2010 to be social & have been fortunate enough to have crossed paths with a handful of people that have quickly come great friends and I know I could reach out to if I were to need someone to lean on. Volunteer work, family time, hobbies, making efforts to learn and grow as a person are high priorities in my life. Due to all of this I can definitely say I am not lonely. My life is full and rewarding. That special someone will be fortunate enough to be the sparkly sprinkles on top of the icing!  You know the ones you ooooed & ahhhed over as a little kid (likely with your nose pressed right up against the glass at the bakery!) So much better than just being the icing, don’t you think?!

How about you?

QOTD – What do you most look forward to in your next relationship?

If you are anything like me, the answer to this question changes by the day. SO, you might find me asking you all this once in a while.

Today is one heck of a cold, blustery, grey, Eeyore like days.  One where it is easy to get sad and mopey if you aren’t careful.

Today I am really missing having someone to cuddle up with, talk, hug, kiss and just make a fabulous day out of one where Mother Nature is not cooperating as much as usual.  I look forward to having that back in my life when the right person comes along! 🙂

How about you?

Question of the Day: Are you a statusmonger?

Status is all around us, impacting our daily lives. You cannot avoid it.  We judge people by where they live, their profession/occupation, what they do or do not drive, the clothes they wear, just to name a few.

Sometimes we are well aware of the assumptions we make about someone and other times we are simply blissfully unaware (or purely ignorant) of it.  Like it or not, we ALL do it in some way. “Judge not, that ye be not judged” – has this given us carte blanche in terms of judging others, telling us that we can judge as long as we are willing to be judged ourselves? (Mom & Dad be proud – I do remember things from all those years you drug me to church!)

I am not perfect (& really, life would be boring if I were.) I would like to say that status does not matter to me at all. On a scale of those living in Calgary, I would venture to guess it matters less to me than it does to many. HOWEVER – I do want someone that is self-sufficient. As long as my potential partner is happy with what they do, or are working towards what they want to be doing, that is what matters most to me.  Granted, I probably would not be happy with someone that was happy to spend their life pouring slurpees for someone else. Ambition is important. Also, I want someone I can be proud of being seen with, so I don’t want someone that is in a constant state of looking like they just rolled out of bed, or drug themselves out from underneath a bar stool.  That said, who someone is inside is much more important to me than who they are on the outside – the inside is what has staying power.

How does status play into your dating and searching for someone you can build a relationship with? 

I would love to hear you thoughts.

(Thank you to @Smudged & @doglover100 for starting this discussion with me yesterday!)

A shift in thinking…

2009 was a HUGE dating year for me.  I made it a priority to get out, mix & mingle and date. A lot. Probably too much.  Wait, not probably. Definitely.

The bad: I went on so many dates, with so many different kinds of people, that I am suffering from major dating burnout.  I think I might be past the burnout part, as I would gladly welcome a date, but still do not have the drive to get out there and make it happen for myself.

The good: Dating so much really reinforced those things that I want in a partner. A few of my friends and acquaintances have scoffed and flat out told me that I am being too picky.  Then there are those that have expressed a gleeful delight in the fact that I am finally at the point where I *know* beyond a doubt what I am looking for.  Those are the friends that have watched me flounder over the years, settling for less than I deserve, getting emotionally banged up along the way.

Funny thing is that while some say I am too picky, those things on the list of things that I want in a partner are not physical qualities (well except for one.) The bulk of them come down to how I expect to be treated by someone.  I have settled on those points in the past and ended up miserable.

The last several years I have been on an extensive, and at times exhausting journey of self-discovery.  I love who I am!  Am I perfect? No. Nobody is. Are there things I need to work on? Yes, we all have those things. As a whole, I am a happy, fulfilled and all around good person at the core. I go out of my way to make the world around me a better place.  I give of myself, through time, effort & sacrifice to do what I can to help many people (and a few organizations) out.  While at times I get worn down, when the rewards for these efforts arrive, they are rich blessings.

One of these days, someone will arrive in my life that will see me for who I am and recognize what I have to offer.

How often do you get those things you do not ask for and work towards? Not very often. I am confident in what I want and know that I also deserve to have those things. Why should anyone have to settle for less than what they need, unless it is a case of something in life being an absolute necessity? Maybe it comes down to the fact that I am happy with my life as it is.  Having someone is just an additional perk. In the meantime, my life will go on and I am happy. Are you?

I would love to hear your thoughts…

Welcome & please excuse the mess!

I have been saying for months, that I would be starting a blog.  Saying & doing are two entirely different beasts.

I am a perfectionist. Well at least in some was I am. In a lot of ways I am not. When it comes to presenting myself in a form such as this, I want things to be just right.  What does that mean? That I never get around to getting things done.

I purchased my url quite some time ago.  And there it sits. I will be the first to admit I do not like these templates.  I need to create something a wee bit more me – this is where I need to start calling on my wonderful friends to give me the assistance and the kick in the pants to do so.

In the mean time, this is better than nothing, right? Perhaps if I just start doing this, the other pieces will fall together – or at least the motivation to make them fit will come.

So welcome!