QOTD – Do you fall into the ageism trap in your dating life?

Mentally, I had already picked today’s question of the day and started forming my blog post.  Then I got a few suggestions sent to me by various people and started to rethink my plan. Of course this meant that something else go thrown my way in terms of a topic and I am going to run with it.  Proof positive that I have the ability to be flexible about things as the need arises.
 
QOTD – Do you fall into the ageism trap in your dating life? Is it a factor in who you will and will not approach or talk to?
 
Firstly, I want to credit @Reactive_Candy for starting to broach this subject a few weeks ago.
 
The reason I am on this today, is that I have noticed a lot of grumbling about getting older by many on my Twitter feeds lately. Sometimes I do not mind it and somewhat empathize with the person. Others, my eyes roll out of my head – to the point that I might need medical help to put them back in place.
 
AGE IS A NUMBER! That is all. What matters is how you act, feel and approach life.  I know people that are far younger than e in terms of their chronicle age, yet you would think are a bazillionty years old based on how they act. That fact puzzles me.  However I am aware that if someone were to guess how old I am, most would be off by a few years (& I will not lie – that fact makes me gleefully happy!)
 
Yes, I had a breakdown on my 22nd birthday. A few friends literally had to drag me out of bed on that birthday and show me that life did INDEED continue.  Since then I have realized what a waste of time and energy it was to spend time fretting and moping about such a thing. Seriously. Is it really worth it to get all stressed out about turning another day older?! (Just to create waves – your first birthday marks the end of your first year of life. So using that reasoning, doesn’t turning 30 mark the end of the 30th year, therefore you have already survived it?)
 
Blah blah blah… Enough of my ramblings!
 
Age & Dating – My views. I have no hard rules for the most part.
 
I have found that there is a major mental shift in most people around the age of 25. From that point on, most maturing and changes in views occur because of life experiences rather than simply getting older.  As a result, you might be adorable, but I am not going to date you. 
 
Between the ages of 25 – 29, I will consider it on a case by case basis.  Some of my favorite friends fall into this age group, so I know there are some pretty amazing prospects.
 
30 – 40, I do not even think twice about age. At all.
 
41+ it all depends on the person, once again. If it is someone in that age group that very much acts that age ALL THE TIME, they are likely going to get rather annoyed with me at times. Why? I am quite mature, level-headed and approach life that way when I need to, I am also very young at heart and live that way as well. I am terrified of someone stifling that in me, as I think the fact that I am able to be that way is more of a bonus than a detriment.
 
How about you? Where do you fall in this great debate?
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4 Responses

  1. Well, I think I’m with you on the “age=attitude” philosophy. Truly, if you feel young, you will behave young and conversely with those that feel old will act older. That being said, there are limits for me now. I once dated an 18 year old girl when i was 28. It was fun, the sex was great, and she was mature for her age. But, her life experiences didn’t match mine. Our opinions differed on many things and as a result it was hard to find harmony for a long lasting relationship. I’ve also dated a woman that was 15 years older than me when I was 25. Also fun and entertaining but the same concerns around life experiences made it difficult to find harmony. As I’ve gotten older though, 10 years hasn’t made as much of an impact anymore. Most people within 10 years of my life still have similar reference points with me and as such we see life in much the same way (broadly speaking of course). I generally will date about 5 years younger and not usually more than 2 or 3 years older. That being said, I always keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule, but that’s where my screening process starts from. :o)

    • Sounds like our automatic age range is in much the same place.

      Great positioning on having similar reference points. That is so important. I think it becomes really difficult to have anything beyond a superficial relationship without having those in place.

  2. I don’t know what my age requirements are. I take it on a case-by-case basis, I suppose. I’m 34 and I’ve recently dated guys from 24-41. For me, the date with the 24 year old turned out pretty much as you’d expect for two people with a decade in between them – he was a nice guy and we got along fine, but we didn’t have a whole hell of a lot in common. Shared life experiences is something that I look for in a match. Not that we had to have lead parallel lives, but for me it’s easier to relate to someone who grew up in the same generation as me. When he mentioned that he was born the year Back to the Future was released, that was kind of the nail in the coffin for me. I just couldn’t reconcile our age differences. Most people guess my age a few years younger than I actually am and I do have a youthful personality (apparently, since most of the guys I seem to attract are in their mid-late 20s) but I really have no desire to be somebody’s Mrs. Robinson. I’m interested in someone who has been there and done that, so to speak, both in general life and in relationships. Of course, I still want them to be interested in seeing what more life has to offer, but I don’t want to “train” somebody for lack of a better word, especially when chances are more than good that they’re going to take what they’ve learned and apply it to a relationship with someone more their own age.

    As far as the 41 year old, I was leery about his age. I admit it. I think it was that big, glaring “4”. I thought about whether we’d have much in common, whether or not he’d be too old to be a father if the relationship should pan out (don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to get preggo by the first shmuck I meet, but I do take fathering capabilities into consideration), whether he’d think *I* was too immature since I tend to assume that of younger people, etc. To my surprise, he’s been the best date I’ve had in a long time. Granted we’ve only seen each other twice (3 times if you count our plans tonight) but I already find him more interesting and intellectually & physically stimulating than most guys I’ve gone out with. We have a lot in common and he actually makes me think. And really, I don’t notice his age whatsoever. He comes across as quite youthful. After two dates our discussions already go deeper than what movies we like or what we do in our spare time. I’m quite interested in him (and I think the feeling is mutual) and I’m honestly surprised by it. Of course, maybe there’s potential there and maybe it’ll flame out quickly. Who knows? But I’m very glad I put aside my reservations about age in this case.

    • Once again, I have to say I am ridiculously excited for you!

      Now aren’t you glad I have nagged you so much about not stressing about the age thing so much! 😉

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