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Nice Girl = Game Over! Or does it?

As the old adage goes, “Nice guys finish last!” It is not fair to apply that solely to the guys, as I know some wonderful girls that fall into this old cliché.

I am a nice girl! There. It is out there in black & white for all of the interwebs to read. Almost feels as if it should be a dark, dirty secret of mine. Who wants a nice girl?

The last guy I was seeing, our dating came to a crashing end when he confronted me about my tendencies to be a caring, compassionate person that bends over backwards to help others.  In his mind, this made me weak. In my mind, this made me scream NEXT! Yes, I might be a nice girl, but nice does NOT mean stupid. Also, I am not about to change who I am at the core for anyone. Let alone someone that thinks my kindheartedness and willingness to help others is a flaw. I am not a sucker. I will not fork over handfuls of change to a street person, but I will buy them a cup of soup and a sandwich. If a friend or family member is in a jam, I will do anything I can reasonably do to help them. These things come naturally to me and were instilled in me at a young age. I have had people snark on me for it, referring to me as “PollyAnna” for choosing to see good over bad. It is who I am and I am not about to make apologies for it.

Sometimes my niceness does get me down. Men (in Calgary especially) seem to be so busy chasing the Barbie doll type girls, ignoring those that are much more beautiful inside in favour of those close to physical perfection. True beauty is found inward and radiates outwards.  Sooner or later that DOES catch up. I have to remind myself that those men that are searching for arm candy or a trophy wife, are not the kind of men I want to be with and not to let it get me down.

This past week I was blessed with a real life lesson and affirmation in my beliefs on all of this.

My baby brother was home for a visit & brought his girlfriend home for the first time.  Through Facebook & texting, I have had the chance to get to know his girlfriend a little and she seemed quite nice. However, my brother is very metro and has a habit of attracting the Barbie types. That has been stuck at the back of my mind throughout our communications.

Much to my surprise (& pleasure) my brother brought home this amazing NICE girl!  She was who she was. Comfortable with her hair in a pony tail, little makeup and a hoodie. Low maintenance. Kind, considerate, loving kind of person.

(This is where I half hope she never reads this, but if she does, I pray she knows that it comes from the right place and that I love her dearly…)

At first glance, I would dare say she looked somewhat plain. She immediately won me over with her big smile, enormous hug and encouraging words.  She is one of those rare types that oozes happiness and internal beauty. Throughout the week, as I got to know her, it quickly became clear how much of an understated beauty she really is. If she were so inclined, she could turn a lot of heads. But she is comfortable in her own skin and does not feel the need to focus on those superficial things.

Makes me sit back and wonder how many truly beautiful people we all pass over, simply because we are not immediately smacked in the face with an outward beauty. We all know at the heart of us, that in the end, that often goes away. Why do so many put the focus there?

I was fortunate to see that sometimes the nice girls DO finish first (my brother is one hell of a catch & many have tried!) This gives me hope. Still have to wait my turn. I am determined to finish first!

And you? What do think about all of this?

(ETA: My brother fully admits to being happier than ever. I would not be surprised to hear of an engagement in the near future. Score 1 for the nice girls!)


6 Responses

  1. Great story and I am sure many of us can relate to, perhaps ironically I am similar to your bro in this too.

    I also tend to date a certain look, but everytime I have been happy except for once with a girl, it was because she had something special inside her that just did it for me.

    I always loved those girls deeply and I was always the ‘nice guy’ with them.


  2. I have a question for you! (Like how that works – you come to my blog & I end up asking you the questions. ;))

    Do you find that initially, these girls have honourable intentions, or do you find that they are are after more superficial things than the average girl to start out with? I just know from my experience (with the girls that I know that fall into this stereotype), they are looking for the guys that have the money, nice cars, will wine & dine them, whisk them away on vacations, ect. Sure they have their positive qualities, but make one misguided step and they will drop you like you were nothing and move on to the next.

    Looking at those friends, family and acquaintances that I would consider as having exemplary relationships and marriages, more often than not if you saw them on the street, you would wonder why one or the other of them were with the other person. Then in spending time with them the answer becomes quickly apparent.

    While there obviously needs to be an attraction, I am much more interested in a guy’s brain and heart, than I am in their appearance and wallet (which can rapidly change anyhow.)

    This ‘nice’ girl is determined to finish first! 🙂

  3. I can’t stand thoughtless, selfish people in general. I can’t say that I’ve ever looked for someone that is a shiny trophy but rather someone that is very real with themselves and others with a mind for common good.

    I enjoyed reading your blog today. Thanks for the interesting article.

  4. Well I don’t think you can put any type in a box, everyone has emotions and we all want to feel love even the ‘barbie’ girls.

    Sure their expectations are high, but high expectations don’t turn off emotions, most women (like men) need substance at some point and once they get it they are hooked and they stay because of it.

    Hell one of my sisters was probably exactly that girl, yet she clips coupons and not even because she has too but because she wants to save as much for her husband and children as possible. She always says ‘Roger we can buy 10x more in our lifetime if we pay cash’. Hahaha so funny coming from her, but what can I say.

    Just my random thoughts on the topic.

  5. Thanks, Lonnie!

    So true, Roger! I think I have just encountered far too many superficial people in my lifetime. Fortunately I have also been blessed to know many incredible people.

    As for your sister, I have found (more than once) that those most able to be superficial in terms of what they rightfully have, tend to be those that are the most down to earth, kindest people I have encountered. It is a blessing to have people like that in your life, as they are often the ones that help you “keep it real.” 😉

  6. I applaud you for your stance of not changing your core values for anyone. If you change that, then you would probably get griped at for “not being the same person you used to be.” It’s a catch 22.

    That’s great that your brother met someone so wonderful.

    I’m at the “Default mode = single” point now. They say there’s someone for everyone, but if she’s in Australia, that doesn’t do me a lot of good now, does it? I’m not even worrying about dating anymore. After 10 years without a date, I think I’m past worrying. 🙂

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