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#QOTD – Are you lonely when you are not in a relationship?

Simple question, but not necessarily a simple answer.

Based on my observations over the years is that those that tend to quickly become miserable & complain often within a relationship, are those that got into one in the first place to combat loneliness.  If I am honest about this issue, I have fallen into this trap once or twice before myself.

When you are single, do you tend to be lonely? Is this your drive to find someone to be with? Are you a complete person without having a romantic partner in your life, or do you need someone else to make you whole?

If you are not lonely when you are single, what do you do to ensure that you are not?

There are definitely things that I miss when I do not have a romantic partner in my life.  Some things are intimate in nature and no matter how hard I try, that sense of belonging in a relationship just cannot be replaced. Beyond that, my life is quite complete.  I surround myself with some amazing and wonderful people – both family and friends. I have made a real effort in 2010 to be social & have been fortunate enough to have crossed paths with a handful of people that have quickly come great friends and I know I could reach out to if I were to need someone to lean on. Volunteer work, family time, hobbies, making efforts to learn and grow as a person are high priorities in my life. Due to all of this I can definitely say I am not lonely. My life is full and rewarding. That special someone will be fortunate enough to be the sparkly sprinkles on top of the icing!  You know the ones you ooooed & ahhhed over as a little kid (likely with your nose pressed right up against the glass at the bakery!) So much better than just being the icing, don’t you think?!

How about you?


4 Responses

  1. Once upon a time I used to find myself feeling lonely when I wasn’t in a relationship but I’ve since figured out how to be happy in my life without having someone next to me.

    At first I used to pine for the things that went along with being in a relationship – cuddling, holding hands, going for walks, doing things together… well… and of course the sex part was something I missed too. But I realized that those things can be down right painful if you’re with the wrong person. Those activities are best saved for someone that has true meaning in your life. Not just anyone to fill the gap – so to speak.

    Now, although I still miss those things, I fill up my life with the company of friends and family. I also keep busy and active and cherish the alone time I do have. I also think about the things I enjoy about being single too. Like having an entire queen bed to myself every night.

    One where I don’t have to worry about disturbing someone else’s sleep when I roll over, or having to worry about my arm going numb underneath the girl sleeping next to me. I get to stretch out and enjoy the entire bed. Sleep is so much easier when you don’t have to accommodate someone.

    I also enjoy making decisions without having to compromise, and enjoy spending money without accountability, and having a schedule that is always flexible. I also like not having to accommodate someone else’s offspring into my life. There’s also the nice thing about not having to play nice with her family or relatives that I don’t particularly like.

    There’s tons of things that make single life more palatable but still… when you find that girl that takes your breath away… they don’t carry the same weight anymore. She has to be worth chasing though! :o)

    • I could not agree with you more! The things you mentioned you missed, I do as well. It is just not worth the pain and headaches to satisfy those needs with someone where you know it just isn’t right.

      A guy that actually worries about disturbing a girl’s sleep? Pinch me! I must be dreaming. 😛

      So what kind of girl is worth chasing? I have a very curious mind!

  2. A type of loneliness spurs the “relationship” urge for me. I’m never truly lonely – I have a great family, furry babies (cat, dog) and lots of friends. But occasionally I’ll feel the “twinge” – usually when I’m sitting and watching TV in the evening, or heading home from the bus stop to my empty (not including pets) home, with no plans for the rest of the day. It would be nice to have someone to share my day with, hear what he has to say, share the cooking duties and just generally have a human presence around.

    When I get the travelling bug, it’s also something that nudges me a little. In general, I don’t have friends with the same travel goals as me, so my last big trips have been alone (Mexico in Feb 2009) or with my family (Arizona in Nov 2009). Don’t get me wrong – travelling alone is great for being able to do whatever I want, when I want. Even something as little as not having to fight over when to eat lunch is something I adore. But eating meals alone gets a little old. And, well… travelling with family? Just not the same.

    So, am I lonely when not in a relationship? Heck no. But I do get little bouts of lonely feelings every so often, for sure.

    • I think if you didn’t get those twinges, I would be forced to question whether or not you are human. 😉 Those times when lonely twinges sneek in is when I have to be careful to make sure I do not settle.

      I understand your feelings about travelling. You should sit down with Ubermoogle and have that discussion some time. He is a big fan of travelling on his own and has some great points as to why it really works.

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